I’ve never told anyone this story before, because no one would think its true. But it is. This is
My questionably true account of how things happend
on May 12th
One day I went to cape town. By Cape Town I mean Germany. I was on my way to a hotel were I was to receive an award for, ‘Sexiest Frown’. Hmmm. When my car broke down. In the middle of the highway. My trusty old car it would seem, was to by busy being useless to help me get my sexiness to the hotel on time. 'My arch nemisis. You have struck again. That’s 6-8'. I didn’t panic though. I’m crafty. Like a fly. I got out and hitched. I was on the road hitching for about 15 minuets when a black Audi TT flashed its lights and started pulling over. Sweet. The car was so black it seemed to absorb the very light around it, like a black hole. I couldn’t help think, solar panels that black could absorb the sun and power your house for the 12 seconds It would take the sun to burn out and kill you. “Hey”, came a smooth hunny voice drasild in cream, from the car. I leant into the passanger side window. I looked at he driver. She was ugly. A real dog. “Wanaa lift sweety?” came that amazing voice. I didn’t want to do it. But…..deprave people of my sexiness? NO. So I got into the car without a word, because I don’t talk to dogs. My dad always used to say, “Don’t let me see you talking to that ugly dog next door. Your better than that." She kept her mouth shut and simply drove. Possibly sensing my animosity. Dogs are quick to pick up on that kinda thing. Hmmmm. Dogs. I guessed her to be a cross between a Terrier and a Husky. It only occurred to me then. Why was a dog driving such a nice car? And also. I don’t remember anything about Husky Terriers talking. She dropped me of at the front of the hotel and slapped my ass as I got out. The papas overwhelmed me. Tacking photos and going crazy, The girls were cheering. This was my time. So I put on my ultimate frown. With a light swagger in my step, I walked the carpet like a beast. Some women even fainted and died, due to a horrible pipe leak in that area. Dam papas. When I got inside, all I could smell was vodka and new suits. A Disquieting and uncomfortable smell. I quickly found my table and sat. nervous. I sat through that whole dam thing. My agendea was last. And being the only candidate in the 'Sexiest Frown' cartagory – obviously I won.
and that is my true account of how I became Britton’s sexiest man
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